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The little black mare did not seem to be too interested, at least not in me. Her mate across the fence line kept her engaged though, nibbling her gently along her withers which brought on occasional little squeals of energy from her correcting him on his diligent and attentive bites along her backside. I stood back with no reason to be in a rush here. I felt inside it was about me not wanting to connect with her as I was supposed to in this exercise, and not her. She didn’t seem to have much concern for this human coming into her space. I gave her the respect she was asking for as my energy was at an all time low. I was glad to sign up for the class, to be with other likeminded workshop attendees however this exercise wasn’t going anywhere. I could not feel a connection, even when prodded by the instructor. I could not feel her heart as I was supposed to in this Reiki and Yoga for Horses workshop exercise, more than likely because I could not feel mine.
When the little black mare finally became intrigued enough to come and sniff me after I had approached her now from only a seven foot distance, she warily walked around me tempted to go back to her fence line buddy, but she decidedly came to stand beside me. Still my hands were still not able to touch her in all the right places to make this connection happen. I explained to the instructor that I just didn’t have it and I couldn’t feel anything that was giving me this big sense of wow. I had recently relocated my own horses up country, 250 miles after a really tough winter making daily trips to the country to tend them, particularly Jimmy, my older gelding that had almost not made it. It was tiring, grueling, emotionally burdensome trying to take care of everything else in my life including school, full time job, relationship and my ever growing concerns for other horses at risk, that had also suffered a very hard winter with another one coming up that didn’t promise to be any better. I had too much on my shoulders, how was I supposed to feel a heart connection with this horse when I couldn’t feel one to myself ? As I continued to sweep my hands gently over her body just going with my energy, I ran my hands underneath her long black mane while explaining to my instructor in short how I was feeling and why I couldn’t feel, as I knew I was supposed to. In this very moment of expression, I ran my hands under her mane covered neck with my fingers stopping directly over a quarter size indentation in her neck; an old injury. Simultaneously, the little black mare dropped her head and closed her eyes. For both of us it was a deep moment of release. I touched on an area that had been wounded and realized this place had never fully healed. Was it from the actual physical injury this little horse had experienced or was it about being abandoned from her lifetime friend, a little girl who just two days ago decided she didn’t want her anymore and traded her in for another bigger horse, to carry her through the next few years of her life? Was this a sadness and depression of no longer feeling loved and wanted? I thought so, yes, this was what was happening inside of her. The injury only helped to serve as a place to hold her into this emotional state; in between her throat and heart charka which had been broken. It became apparent to me in this moment she could not easily share herself by her avoidance of our initial contact when are energies first met. This experience was a shared experience, did we find each others heart? In the end, yes.
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