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In July of 2000 I had a pacemaker implanted in my chest to correct an electrical block between the upper & lower halves of my heart. The day I returned home from surgery I went to visit my horse Kristal Dar Shamus. Dar began to muzzle the medicinal smell emanating from the left side of my chest. I put my shirt aside for him to further analyze the area of surgery. I am a very slight person so the stainless steel pacemaker sits very close to the surface of my body. I have no words to describe adequately the profound look on his face; it was like he knew there had been a shift in my energy. Was it the medicinal smell that caught his attention or did he recognize the electro-magnetic field? Today Dar continues to be sensitive to this area.
From time to time people say to me "it's just a horse" or "the cost involved for "just a horse". Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a horse". Many hours have passed and the only company was "just a horse" but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a horse" and in tough days of darkness the gentle touch of a horse gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. "Just a horse" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust and pure unbridled joy. "Just a horse" brings out the compassion and the patience that makes me a better person. "Just a horse" is the thing that keeps me from being more than "just a woman", but that of a fulfilled human being.
I am certain today the inner strength I developed over these past many years, would not have become so strong, had I not this incredible horse in my life to teach me. I know that I came to love this horse so much, I was willing to sacrifice many things in my life; in return he gave me his friendship, trust and dedication to me as a partner in his life. Each time a wise decision was made, I could see that he would acknowledge me and even let me know in his suddle ways, that I had done well, on behalf of him of course. Learning how to stand up for him during times of challenge, by following my gut feelings and intuition, began an interesting parallel in my own life. This beautiful horse taught me the authentic gifts of courage, life and love.
Because of my illness, I can't always stay on track. I was browsing on equine.com and came across Nicky - and he was close! Trough only seeing the photo, I knew he had to come into my life. Once my dad went on his trip with his buddies, mom and I popped up to see him. I knew he was the second half that I needed to heal. He would be right up in my face standing on my lap and giving me kisses. Shirley (Nicky's old mom) knew he was the perfect match for me! Nicky keeps me on track of things. A little nip will mean "Mommy, stay on track and keep up with life!", it's not just a nasty little bite. It's just to keep my paying attention. Even though I was looking for a big jumper as a second horse, I wouldn't trade Nicky for Big Ben himself!
In 2002 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Since then life has been up and down and all around. It's hard to get into doing things and I stay home more. Early 2005 I found out I was mis-diagnosed and am actually bi polar. The only thing I would do was go see my horses Simon and Nicky. They are the only ones who understand. Even close friends and family don't want to hear anything about it - but they do and help me heal. I can tell by the gentle look in Simon's eyes that he loves me so much, and helps with everything he can. Even though I love it, if I never make it to grand prix, I'd rather spend my life helping people and horses in natural ways. It is much more rewarding in the end. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't be here today.
I went on New Year's day 2003 to go see Simon - first day of the new year as well as the better part of my life. We were a total match and I know he was the one for me! When I picked him up I saw he had a quarter crack in his hoof. No problem really, we'd just have to fix it up. It took us over a year to get it all grown out. We went through a lot of abcesses with the quarter crack blowing out a lot and at one time Simon was 3 legged because of it. He was hurting so much that he layed down on my lap in his stall for hours. Most people wouldn't have taken a horse home with a quarter crack, but if nobody takes home the ones who need help, how will they get it? Simon and I have such a precious and special bond that will never be broken!!!!